a surrender - 4

(Continuing "a surrender," chapter one, "surrender") 

When I arrived back at the naval base, things moved quickly. I stood in front of another desk and was again ordered to put on my uniform. I respectfully refused again. And this time they did send me to the brig. There was a strip search in a cold, bright room. I was instructed about the way to stand if I was stopped by a guard. And then, carrying a change of clothes, I stopped in front of a wall of bars, there was a loud buzz, the bars opened, and I stepped through. The bars clanged shut behind me.

And then everything seemed to stop. I saw no one but guards, and no one talked to me but a Navy lawyer. I think I’d been in shock since returning to the ship, lost in the churning crowd, continually struggling to catch my breath. Now I was alone. Because I was an officer, I was not put in with the general jail population, but was basically in solitary confinement, only allowed to leave my cell for a short time each day. This was fine with me. I was alone and it was quiet. I could breathe. And there was nothing to do but think.

When I joined the Navy, I couldn’t have imagined it would lead to a jail cell. I had signed up while I was in college, to help pay for my last two years of school. I also liked the idea of going on an adventure, sailing the seas, seeing the world. Ironically, this made my life much quieter and easier, at first. Since the Navy was paying for my school, I didn’t need to get a job in the summer, so I stayed on campus and read and thought. Mostly I thought about the deeper questions of life. What did I believe in? What was my purpose? What was worth giving my life to? I read many books on philosophy and religion and found myself being drawn to the spirituality of monks, sometimes called “contemplative spirituality.” This was new to me. It emphasized a spiritual connection with God that didn’t need words, just the continual connection of love. It was also a connection with God that seemed to allow some people throughout history to challenge those in power (or endure years in prison). This stirred a deep desire in me. By the time I graduated from college and started my adventure with the Navy, I was feeling a hunger for spiritual adventure as well.

I did sail the seas, and see the world. The ship crossed the Atlantic and went to England, France, Greece, Turkey, Israel, and through the Suez Canal and the Persian Gulf as far as Kuwait. At night I could see oil wells on fire there, still burning since the recent war.

Yet I was learning much more about the world through my experiences inside the ship...

Continued...