2.03.2011

what I was seeking

Another piece of the conversation about Ric's article:

Going with your example of me (on which I'm a noted expert), here's how I see it differently. I wasn't seeking wildness when I took to the road. I was inspired by the example of Jesus and his disciples and wondered if I could follow it almost literally today. Perhaps it did serve the need you describe, of clearing and purging. My point is that I wasn't trying to clear or purge. Just follow Jesus.

And the spiritual retreats for the homeless didn't come out of my imagination. I was at a place of longing and growing confusion, looking for a way to follow Jesus more closely than I felt I could at the Catholic Worker, and this newsletter about a CW retreat place for the homeless landed on our desk. Maybe Jesus didn't have a retreat place, but he did invite the poor to come out to him (sometimes on a hillside or by the sea), he lived as a peer among the poor, and he "preached good news to the poor," which is why we're doing what we're doing. It isn't new or my personal dream. I didn't want to do it until I was shown it at the right time.

Again, the point is that those things happened not because I was seeking them or even wanted them. What I was seeking was Jesus. That provided the focus and the clear, concrete goal: a person who is real and who assured me that he would provide a way for me to follow close to him if that was what I truly wanted.

Perhaps you're right that following Jesus closely will also satisfy any longing for wildness, break us out of suffocating domesticity, provide a life beyond our imagining. But seeking those things doesn't get us close to Jesus (or even get us what we're seeking). Seeking Jesus is what gets us Jesus.

"...and all these things will be added unto you."