post-birthday thoughts

It was my birthday on the 19th, and it didn't start out too well. Another letter from a collection agency. That's not horrible--five of the seven medical bills have been cancelled, and the vast majority of the charges are gone--just a bit of unpleasantness. A reminder that poverty is no cake walk. And a reminder to stay poor by giving away whatever I'm not using.

I also found out that it's possible we may not be needed in Champaign. Which would be a big disappointment, because lots of things seem right about it. Well, we'll see. Heather and I are going down the second week in February and will have a chance to talk more with the people there.

And that brings me back to thoughts about helping others like Jesus did. The point I mentioned in the story (and also wrote of before) is not wanting to be a "benefactor." Not wanting to take control over the life of the person I'm trying to help. This often happens because the giver controls the things the other person needs (like money, food, housing) and so can pressure them to do certain things or make certain choices, under threat of cutting off support. Jesus didn't do this. Partly because he wasn't using human power or money to help people, so there was no possibility of using these to control people. Also, I don't want to be dependent on these things, nor do I want to teach others to do so.

I also want to avoid the benefactor's honor. Many give precisely because it makes them look good in the eyes of others, but I want to specifically avoid this. Both for personal spiritual reasons and because I want to communicate the same things Jesus did. Jesus made it clear that it was God who was the benefactor. We brothers and sisters all receive from our Father. And though Jesus' whole life was about giving and serving for the good of others, he was eventually killed as a threat to society (because his message, the most important good he had to offer, wasn't seen as a gift but as a threat). Benefactors, on the other hand, get presidential medals of honor.

More later...