june 5, 2000

Yesterday I gathered some stories to share at the Catholic Worker. Maybe I'll post them here, too. This one is from my first walk, only a couple days after I started out without any money. It shows some of my early questions. And it's also just interesting, I think:

I had a good breakfast yesterday--the last food I bought with the pastor's money. Then I walked all day and ate nothing. I had planned to ask for food, but when it came time for lunch... which house should I stop at? I didn't just want to get fed. I hoped to go where the sharing could be a blessing for everyone involved. And I wanted my 'begging' to be set apart from other beggars (hobos, etc.) in that it was more clearly guided by God and an act of faith--not just scouring the neighborhood for food. "Is not life more than food?"

...And after the pastor gave without my asking, I wondered. It would certainly be something of a miracle to survive without money and without even asking. Not that I rejected begging; I think we should ask each other for help, when we really need it. But it seemed to give greater glory to God to let him initiate my sharing with people--let him choose, while I wait. So I waited. Two o'clock, 3, 5, nothing. I didn't feel overly hungry, but what was taking God so long? Six... 7:30... I felt a little weak, not starving, though. But I complained: "Is it too much to ask that you bless my pilgrimage in this way?" I don't have the miracle of healing; what about the miracle of bread? Couldn't that be a sign of God's favor, his providence, in a seemingly impossible situation? I began to doubt, however, as 8pm rolled around: Would I even be able to find a place to sleep tonight?

O ye of little faith! I stopped to get water at the WV-MD state line. Just then, a man walked up with his dog and started asking questions. I told him a little, but asked for nothing. Then he points out his house across the street and off-handedly says he has plenty of room, if I need a place to stay. I shouldn't have been surprised. I think I surprised him a little when I accepted. He showed me around, then asked if I had eaten (I hadn't mentioned food at all). The next thing I knew, I'm eating stew, a huge salad, chicken, macaroni and cheese, even an ice cream bar! A shower! A bed! And we talked until almost midnight. He is a lonely man, I think. He's suffered great losses and is trying to get his life back together. I don't know if my words helped, but he seemed thrilled to have the company. He thought I might have a corporate sponsor, like Nike. I told him God is my sponsor...
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I didn't leave the man's house till after lunch. Made eggs for breakfast and did dishes before he got up, then talked until lunch. Incredible. He had lost his wife and almost all his friends to cancer, and two daughters to SIDS. He feels extremely alone and is often on the brink of despair. The spice rack in his kitchen was filled with prescription drugs--no room for spices. But our talk was beautiful. He felt it was a message from God, saying don't give up. We also talked about suffering, faith, single-mindedness, and Christ. After lunch, he invited me to stay but I felt I should continue; he gave me a sandwich, $15, and a ride eight miles up the road, on his way to an errand. He looked rejuvenated, and I certainly felt that way, too. I am fed, rested, clean, and blessed by an overwhelming affirmation from God. He put me where I was needed. I've been walking about two inches above the road all afternoon.